i’m sick of feeling sick. i’m sick of looking in the mirror and thinking i look gross. i’m sick of worrying. i’m sick of having that nervous feeling shoot through my body. i’m sick of obsessing over things. i’m sick of it all. i feel stressed for no reason. and it needs to stop.
fuck it i dont wanna get skinnier. can i just be the perfect size? i know everyone wants to be. alkjdakjfkfaldf plus im sick. i feel like shitttttt. but i feel inspired. but i dont feel like writing.
josh hutcherson or logan lerman come date me now.
im not going to. adjhasdjfhakjdfjkk. FOREVER FUCKING ALONE.
he hasnt text me. he hasnt even friended me. i could easily friend him but idk if i should…he probs doesnt like me.
i went to a frat party. and ive never been to one bc my school is lame and also i dont really party at my school bc my friends dont really and its hard to find parties! so yeah it was CRAZY, lasers, loud techno music from a dj, smoke and a bar. i wore this new dress which is tye dye and short, i intensely straightened my hair and yeah. so then my friends and i drank vodka before, i hadnt eaten much bc i have nerves before i go out and cant eat. i didn’t really get that drunk though. and then this boy asked me to dance, he’s my friend’s friend abby’s friend’s friend. lol. and his name is sean. we danced for a long time and the whole time i was like “just kiss him, just do it” but i was too much of a woussy. then we went outside and talked, and like he held my hand, just like that, just to walk around, it was so cute. and i had hidden my gatorade and vodka outside in the grass (we couldn’t bring in bottles) so i went to go find it with him and i drank some, he didn’t want any. then he asked for my number :) but i didn’t get his. maybe i shouldve asked. but this doesn’t really happen to me often soo..im new to all of it. and then we went back and danced again and omggggggg somebody that i used to know came on (it was like a remixed techno version) and i was holding his hands and he was breathing on my neck and the music and my stomach and omggg. and then we went outside again and when we came back in i saw two of my friends, so we talked to them and he went to the bathroom so we went outside and apparently i set my phone down, and so then my friend bri and i went to pee and i freaked out cause i was kinda drunk at this point and my phone was lost. so we went looking for it and the brothers of the frat were helping and one guy had it was all wet though, and its all banged up? but they were really nice, but then i couldn’t find sean but bri wanted to dance so some guy asked me too but he was a bad dancer and it was just no. plus sean’s friend saw me and a rando guy dancing so he probably told sean? idk where he went afterwards. but like everyone was paired off and my friend and her bf had a huge fight. it was just so much going on lol it was really fun but sean hasn’t text me!! i wonder if he will. its giving me a nervous stomach!! aksdjaskjdlaksjd i cant eat. i hate my fucking anxiety ughh im trying to ignore it. cause idk if i should even be hoping for anything, idk if he likes me, idk if we would even be cute together, i shouldn’t even be wondering that yet!
i wish i would’ve kissed him.
fuck anxiety. fuck anxiety. fuck ocd. fuck anxiety. fuck my stomach aches. fuck getting that flighty feeling in my stomach. feeling on the edge of spinning out of control. fuck anxiety. fuck fuck fuck fuck ITTTTTT
